


Androphobia

by DreamerFae



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 18:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21378820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamerFae/pseuds/DreamerFae
Summary: Touka met with an unfortunate incident when she was young, which lead to her having an uncured androphobia till today. When her boss told her to get it fixed or get fired, she knew she had to face her phobia head-on. It resulted in her going to the hospital, where she met a handsome doctor named Kaneki who was in-charge of curing her.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Kirishima Touka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Androphobia

**Author's Note:**

> Touka is currently a working adult in a company. The doctor is black-haired Kaneki but in adult form (not reaper Ken). Please leave comments if you liked it thanks! <3

"Isn't that bad!?" Yoriko exclaimed, and Touka had to close her hand over her friend's mouth to keep the news from spreading.

The female sighed. "Yeah. I'll get fired if I don't get my androphobia settled down within 6 months. Boss says it's affecting my work performance and everyone else's as well..."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know... I don't want to go to a doctor... they cost lots of money and what if it's a guy? It'll be even harder to recover."

Yoriko squeezed her friend's hands. "You have to do it! Even if the doctor is a guy! You never know—he might be your future boyfriend and husband!!! Are you going to let your phobia affect your work and your relationship status?!"

Touka rolled her eyes. "If I didn't know you better, I would think you're insulting me. Seeing as we've been friends since high school, I will take it as you're not."

She remained silent to think about what Yoriko had said. As a young girl, she always wanted to meet a handsome prince and have a family with him someday. But after that incident, she changed and never got close to men ever again.

If she were to overcome her phobia, she would be able to fulfill her childhood dream. As it stands, her phobia was affecting everything and everyone in her life. Her family, her friends, her work performance etc. At this rate, she was going to be fired from the only company that allowed her to work here despite her phobia and she couldn't let that happen.

"Alright. I'll go see a doctor."

A wide grin appeared on Yoriko's face. "Great! I'll introduce you to a good hospital!!"

—

Standing in front of a therapist's hospital room, Touka took a deep breath and hoped for the best. She knocked and entered, only to freeze in her tracks when she saw that the doctor was a male, even though she had specifically requested for a female. Her heart stopped, palms sweat and stomach churned.

The black-haired male doctor looked up from his documents and smiled at her. "Good afternoon, Ms Kirishima. I am Doctor Kaneki and I will be in charge of you on your path in treating your phobia. Do take a seat." He gestured to the chair in front of him.

Kaneki stared at her documents then had realization dawn upon him the reason why she never moved from her spot. "Right, you have androphobia. Sorry, I wasn't aware that it was this serious." He stood up, startling her and attempted to push the chair over to her. She caught it, pulled it to the furthest area of the room—the corner, furthest from him—and sat. Then, she turned her head to face the wall, not wanting to even look at him.

"If it'll help you relax, let's talk like this--"

"I thought I requested a female doctor." She cut in.

Clasping his hands together, he was unfazed by her interruption and rudeness and remained friendly. "Despite your request, I took on your case, thinking that it might be more effective for your phobia to be treated by me, seeing as I'm a male. Don't worry, your case is not uncommon. It can be treated, with time and patience."

"I don't think it's possible for me to get treated if I have a doctor who is male--an object of my fear in the same room as me and talking to me."

"We can do this and I assure you that I'm one of the best doctors in therapy."

With no further objections from her, Kaneki stood up. Her jaw clenched when she heard him do so from the scratching sound of the chair against the floor.

"I'm going to confirm the seriousness of your condition now so I can come up with your treatment. If you are uncomfortable about anything, let me know."

He took a step towards her. She didn't move from her spot. Another step. She shot up from her chair and had her hand on the doorknob immediately, wanting to leave the room. He stepped backward, she didn't open the door.

Noting down how the minimum distance he needs to keep from her was about 6 steps, he then asked, "Do you look guys in the eyes when you speak to them?"

"I do not."

"How do you feel if you talk to men?"

"Like I rather die than talk to them. "

He decided that the first thing he had to fix was to make her look at him when they talked. It would definitely kick start things.

"Right. Let's work on your eye contact first. What do you like? Animals? Food? Color? Tell me anything."

"..rabbits."

Kaneki hummed in response as he began typing on his computer. Soon, many different pictures of rabbits came out of the printer and he grabbed them. Sliding one to her feet, he watched her gaze at the wall switch to the picture of the cute rabbit and she smiled.

He then slid another picture to her, this one further from her, but nearer to him. As he hoped, she looked at it.

He continued doing so with other pictures until he finally held one picture above his head, where she did look at the picture though avoiding his eye contact. Slowly pulling the photo down, their eyes finally locked when the photo was positioned just below his eyes.

She held her gaze into his eyes for only a few seconds before looking away.

That's an improvement, he thought and he used blue tack to stick one photo on the cabinet behind him, just above him. She followed it and then, he had her looking directly at him. Though her eyes were only on the picture, it was better than having her speak to him whilst her gaze was on the wall or the floor each time.

A reward would be next.

"If you look into my eyes at another 2 times today, I will give you a rabbit item. I will increase the number of times I need you to look at me by every session and your prize will be better than the last."

"You're trying to bribe me."

Kaneki chuckled. "Don't put it in that way. It's called a reward system."

Touka walked out of that 2-hour session with a rabbit pencil that day.

The next session focused on allowing her to look at photos of men. So Kaneki printed out different pictures of men; from young to old and showed it to her. The young went first.

"Tell me which you don't like the most."

A picture of a young boy around age 5. She managed to look at it without being afraid.

A picture of a boy around 17 years old. Her lips trembled and body shivered. But she could still look at the photo without turning away.

A picture of a 30-year-old guy. One look at it and she stood up, turning to leave the room.

"Wait, don't leave. I'll put the picture down."

She sat back down onto her chair and watched as he put the paper into the shredder machine before heaving a sigh of relief. More photos were shown after that but the biggest reaction she had was for men around the age of 30-40 years old.

"Kirishima-San, look at me."

Touka does as she's told.

"Similar to the photo of the 30-year-old guy you hate, I'm also 30 years old."

Hearing that alarmed her but she clenched her hands into fists and forced herself to continue looking at him.

He smiled, making her relax a little.

"Good job on not looking away from me. Why don't you tell me what happened? Most people with phobias have had something bad happen to them to cause the phobia they have now. I would like to know yours so I can better treat you."

To explain the horrible experience she had in words felt like she was going to relive the whole thing again and she didn't want to. She squeezed her eyes shut with regret and bit her lower lip. "I'm sorry, I'm not ready to tell you."

"No problem. I will wait until you're ready."

It's been 2 months since Touka started therapy with this doctor and after meeting once for 2 hours every week, they've built up some kind of friendship between them.

In times when she's uncomfortable or unable to continue with the treatment, Doctor Kaneki wouldn't force her and instead talked to her. The topics of conversation range from hobbies, work, news, trends, favorite food, and drinks, etc.

She found that it wasn't because he didn't bother to continue the treatment but it's a way to allow her to relax and not feel threatened by him as a male—the object of her fear.

Which, she admits, is a clever plan. Getting her to let her guard down through conversations is working and she doesn't feel as apprehensive towards him as compared to day 1.

Now, she's able to at least look him in the eye when they talk and sit a little closer to him. As he mentioned, the first time they met, they were 6 steps apart. Now she was 3 steps away from him—halfway there and she felt so proud of herself for doing that.

She had left this sickness of hers untreated for the past 10 years and it only took this doctor 2 months to partially heal her. He was capable, she'd give him that.

And friendly,

And handsome—

She choked. How had thoughts of her sickness become thoughts of him being handsome?!

Cheeks burning, she cupped them to cool them down and buried her face into her hands. She shook her head. The reason why she found him handsome and nice and friendly was due to her talking to him—who's the first male she has talked to, met eye contact and seen in a decade.

It's probably because she's been having her head down and gaze to the floor whenever she was around males. Yeah, that's just probably the case. She was not in love with him.

—

Writing down notes in his book, Kaneki stared at Touka's notes and smiled at the remembrance of the previous day where she looked so happy to receive a rabbit plush toy. Out of all the patients, she's the one that he enjoyed treating and being with the most.

As a doctor, to see her fast progress in treatment was great because that's what he's here for: to treat people. But there's one other thing that made him happy was the determination and perseverance she showed in her treatment.

Sure, she was a tough patient to treat for her type of phobia but it was the progress that made everything worthwhile—as well as the smile that he put on her face at the end of the day when she received a reward from him.

She glowed—shined—he couldn't find a word for it—but he found her beautiful when she smiled. It's been a long time since he's met a female who made his heart beat fast. The last time he had seen that kind of smile that made his heart race was from his ex-girlfriend, 3 years ago.

A frown replaced the smile on his face and he had to remind himself once again to not fall in love. He has maintained it that way for 3 years and he will continue to do so in the future.

—

Staring down at his notes, Kaneki didn't notice Touka enter the room and already sat on the chair waiting for him.

"Doctor Kaneki!"

He snapped out of his thoughts and directed his attention to her. "I'm sorry. I was lost in thoughts."

"Are you okay?" Touka looked worriedly at him and he smiled.

He felt his hand brush his chin and smiled nervously. "I'm fine. Let's start our session for today."

Touka hesitated, then put a hand over his. "Y-you can tell me anything. I'm here to listen."

The male felt touched by her gesture. Despite her phobia, she forced herself to touch him and offered her help. "Thank you." He looked down. "Today's actually my girlfriend's 3rd year death anniversary. I was planning to visit her grave after our session."

She remained silent at his confession. What was she supposed to say in this situation? She had wanted to help him when he seemed so sad in his thoughts. But now that he really told her, she didn't know what to do and she wasn't responsible for whatever came out of her mouth next.

"What was she like? Your ex-girlfriend."

One end of his lips quirked at the memory.

"She was always laughing. She was outgoing. She was gentle. She was my everything and I wanted to eventually marry her and have a family with her." He seemed so happy as he remembered about her, then his mood suddenly dropped.

"She suffered depression from being bullied at her workplace and despite being a doctor—" he exhaled a shaky breath. "I couldn't save her and she committed suicide by throwing herself from a building."

He tried to control his voice from wavering and his tears from coming out.

Touka's lips trembled and her heart ached for him. It must have been so painful to have a loved one die without being able to save them. Every time they talked, he would have light in his eyes but now, his eyes looked sorrowful and dead. She did not like that. Not one bit.

Without thinking, she was out of her chair and had his head in her chest, arms wrapping around him. She froze when his arms encircled her torso and he shed tears into her chest.

They separated, with her plopping down onto her chair, staring into space and asking herself what had possessed her to hug him—her object of fear. Was it the waver in his voice? Was it the tears brimming in his eyes, threatening to fall? Was it the forced smile he put as if to pretended everything was fine?

Or was it because it upset her to see him upset?

Before she could answer her own question, he wiped his tears away and smiled. "Thank you for listening to me. I appreciate it. That's embarrassing. I'm supposed to be listening to your problems and you ended up listening to mine." He chuckled.

She shook her head. "It's okay. It's the least I can do when you're helping me so much."

"It's my job. Don't worry about it."

And somehow Touka wished he cared about her not because it was his job, but because it was her.

—

One of Kaneki's legs shook and his fingers drummed on the table as he awaited Touka's arrival for their appointment. These days, he has been looking forward to their appointments earnestly, and it always made his day better when he saw her progress with his own eyes.

But after that day where she comforted him by hugging him to her chest, it gave him mixed feelings. He had since then begun to notice some things about her. How her perfume smelt of roses, how her bag hung the rabbit keychain he gave her, how her smile reached her mesmerizing ocean-blue eyes and many more.

..Was he starting to see her not as just a patient, but as a woman?

He shook his head. It was probably his own imagination. It was just his excitement in her improvement of phobia treatment.

Despite believing so, his heart leaped when he heard the familiar ring of her bell keychain as she entered his room and settled down on the chair in front of him. "Good afternoon, Doctor Kaneki."

The scent of coffee lingered in the air as he watched her put a cup of Coffee Bean's coffee on his table. He eyed it, then looked to her with a puzzled expression, confused.

"I bought this for you. I noticed you always drink this in the afternoon. I-if you already drank one, it's okay. I'll just drink it myself."

Maybe it was his imagination but her cheeks turned pink at one point.

Kaneki took a sip and smiled. "Thank you. I forgot to buy it today so I'm really thankful you got for me."

She bowed her head and he caught her smiling before she quickly hid it. She's cute, he thought.

"Well then, let's start with our session for today. Up until now, you've achieved many things. You are able to make eye contact with me, talk to me, sit near to me and look at me without shrinking away. You've done a really good job of persevering. Now, I need you to work even harder because the next thing I need you to fix is physical touch."

He paused because she froze.

"I understand this might be hard for you as it is the final step of your treatment so do let me know your thoughts of an arrangement I'm about to propose to you. I will respect your wishes if you don't wish to go through with it."

"W-what is it?" Touka asked, voice wavering.

"The first way is for you to have a male of your choice and proceed to have a relationship with him where you can experience the physical touches done in a relationship. I can then instruct him on how to treat you. The second way is for you to have a relationship with me. The third way is we do not fix this 'physical touch' aspect of your phobia at all."

The thought of another man touching her made him feel sick to the core. "I would rather you not choose the third way because as a doctor, I want to see you treated. As for the second way--" his throat suddenly felt dry and he swallowed.

"It would probably be deemed as sexual harassment if I were to touch you as a doctor but if I were in a relationship with you, it wouldn't cause many problems since couples often, ahem, touch one another."

Silence filled the room and Kaneki coughed to fill in the awkwardness. He can't help but be distracted by the way she bit her lower lip when she was focused on the choices he gave her. In his mind, he wondered how her lips would taste like. Soft as they looked? Wet from her lip balm? Or sweet like the sweet drinks she often drank?

He shook his head, mind reeling from the perverse thoughts he had. He was a man and remaining without a girlfriend for 3 years now made him all weird in the head.

"I choose option 2."

Despite being happy deep down that she chose him, he had to make sure she was comfortable with it. "Are you sure? I don't want to force you into anything. If you wish to not cure that part, I understand."

Touka shrugged. "I don't know any other guys and I feel most comfortable with you, so why not? Besides, I can't fulfill my dream of marrying and having a family if I can't even touch a guy right?"

He did not want to imagine her with another guy right now.

"Alright. Let's get started soon then. Are you free this Sunday? Let's go on a date."

\--

Kaneki looked at his overall outfit and dusted off some dirt from his shirt whilst waiting outside Touka's apartment. He exhaled to calm his nerves since this was his first date in 3 years, and found that exhaling did not help his feeling jittery at all.

He reminded himself of his duties as a doctor which was the reason why he proposed for them to be in a relationship, to begin with. No flirting, no touching her without her consent and protect her.

From what he heard from her, she has problems walking in crowds because it often meant she had to squeeze and walk in the near distance with men. This often caused her inconvenience and she would always wait for early morning or late night when there was no one before she walked on the streets.

As for transport to any place, she always took a taxi and made sure the driver was a woman.

So for today's session, he would try to let her get used to walking on a crowded street and taking the bus and train.

"H-hi, Doctor Kaneki. You're here early."

Snapping out of his thoughts, Kaneki looked down at Touka who had a nervous smile on her face and took a moment to appreciate the effort she put into her outfit--which consisted of a blue skater dress and a brown pair of sandals. She had a crossbody sling bag where he spotted the rabbit keychain he gave her hanging from the zip.

"Is my outfit too much? When I told my friend that I was going on a date, she insisted on choosing an outfit for me.." She asked, avoiding his eyes and twirling a lock of her hair nervously.

In her heart, she was hoping that he would like her outfit. After all, she went through a 4-hour hair session at the hair salon, had her manicure and pedicure done, and went shopping for new clothes.

Her current outfit was a big difference from her usual t-shirt and shorts she wore whenever they met at the hospital and Kaneki thought he should at least compliment her on it despite knowing that it could be taken as a form of flirting.

"You look pretty."

Only 3 words and he was slightly amused at how her cheeks flushed pink.

Cute.

"Thank you."

\--

They started off from an alleyway where only a few people would pass through. As it was quite a wide area, she seemed okay whenever men walked because there was a certain distance between her and them. But as the alleyway turned narrower, the distance also shrunk.

He could tell from her shaking body that she was afraid but was glad at her effort in not running away.

The next stop was taking the bus. He could tell her struggle of shying away whenever a male came to stand near her and forced herself to remain rooted in her place. However, when the bus goes or stops and the people around her accidentally touches her, she would shift away if it were a male.

The next one was taking the train. Unlike the bus, she couldn't move away as the train is always packed with no space to move around.

Touka was now squashed between the train door and a male on the train. The heat from his body and the smell of sweat disgusted her. Her immense discomfort showed on her face and Kaneki moved to put himself between the man and her, his arms pressing on the train door above her head.

"You alright?" He asked, worried that this might be too much for her.

Her cheeks flushed when the train turned and his body pressed up against hers, too close for comfort but she didn't hate it to her surprise. Her face was against his chest and he smelt of mint and sandalwood.

"S-sorry." He apologized and she shook her head.

The train treatment did not work out as they ended up in that position all the way until their destination with Touka blushing and Kaneki looking elsewhere embarrassingly with a blush on his face.

Their next stop was a shopping street. As it got later in the day, more people poured in and Touka found it hard to avoid men as well as before when the street was empty. Despite that, she found herself enjoying the outing with Kaneki very much because he'd offer to buy her things, food and anything she wanted.

Even though this relationship was only temporary, it felt real. It felt like they were really a couple who had romantic feelings with one another. For once in her life, she experienced how it was like to be someone's girlfriend and to be on a date with them.

She was too busy looking at a stall that she didn't notice a man trying to barge through the number of people and almost hit her. But Kaneki noticed and quickly had his hand on her shoulder to pull her away from being run over and into an empty alleyway.

The action caused her body to press against his, her breasts, hands, and face on his chest and her heartbeat roared in her ears as his arm wrapped around her waist to pull her close. As her ear was on his chest, she could hear the racing heartbeat beneath his shirt and started to think that her own heart might also be racing like his, and it was definitely because she was in his arms.

"Are you okay?" He asked but she didn't reply. Instead, she looked up at him dazedly.

Instead of releasing her, which he should, his arm remained wrapped around her waist as he gazed down at her before his hand came to cup her cheek.

"Touka.."

Her heart skipped a beat when he called her by her first name—which has never happened before. It has always been Kirishima and the fact that he's calling her by that name now on a date made the moment more intimate.

Just as quickly her heart raced, he dropped his hand and looked away. "Sorry. If you're alright, let's continue walking."

Touka felt a pang of disappointment when he separated himself from her and proceeded to pretend as if nothing between them happened. It felt so right to be in his embrace. If it were any other man, she wouldn't have wished for him to continue holding her.

\--

Upon reaching home after the date, Kaneki buried his face into his hands.

When he saw that she was about to get run over, his body had reacted on instinct and pulled her out of the way. In the process, it couldn't be helped that he touched her. It couldn't be helped that she landed in his arms. It couldn't be helped that he cupped her cheek—who was he kidding?

From the way she had looked at him, it made him want to kiss her. Her eyes were wide and her pink lips parted slightly. The way her body felt so right in his arms did not help either.

He cursed. Hadn't he promised himself not to touch her without permission? Hadn't he promised himself not to get his feelings mixed up with his work?

Over the course of 4 months, he had gotten to know her personally and her hardworking attitude was what caught him. With her, he felt a level of a bond between them whenever she shared bits and pieces of her personal life, work, hobbies, and many other things.

Along the way, he had fallen half in love with her.

She made him feel like no other girl had done so before, aside from Fumika, his ex-girlfriend. She made him feel alive again, ever since Fumika died.

He wondered when he started having these feelings towards her and thought that maybe it started when she comforted him with a hug when he talked about his ex-girlfriend. The way she had empathized with him and provided comfort had touched his heart despite her being androphobic.

Shaking his head, he tucked his feelings for her away deep and swore to himself that he wouldn't allow himself to fall deeper in love. If he did, his already fragile heart would break when it came to a time they had to separate.

—

Today was their second date as Touka waited nervously for Kaneki to arrive. She was early today, too excited to sleep and ended up being super early to meet at their meeting point. For her to get used to men, they had agreed to meet outside a train station instead of him picking her up at her house.

She looked at the couples who lingered around the train station and felt envy build within her. They were all talking happily, holding hands and some were even kissing when no one was looking. She wanted it to be that way between her and Kaneki as well. But it seemed that he only saw their dates as part of his work and job.

Even so, with the way he had held her face the previous day, it seemed that he held some feelings for her and she felt slightly comforted by that.

For afar, she saw Kaneki running towards her whilst waving and smiling. They soon departed for their destination for the movie theatre. His explanation for choosing this as their next treatment was if she were able to take being close to him—a male—for several hours, she would then be able to date a guy like a normal person.

As they walked and talked, Touka couldn't help but stare at his hand and had the urge to grab it. When she talked about what happened on her first date to Yoriko, her friend had patted her hard on the shoulder and told her to go for it. He obviously had some feelings for her and if she didn't do anything about it, she would regret it.

She gathered up her courage and grabbed hold of his hand. His head swung to look at her, his eyes wide and then directed his attention down to their intertwined hands. Her cheeks warmed. "T-this is okay, right? I want to hold your hand."

He remained silent as to ponder over her question and she wanted to prevent him from coming up with any excuses. "I-it's for me to practice holding hands so I can do so with my boyfriend in the future!"

She swore she saw a frown hanging from his lips for a split second before he changed it into a smile. "Sure."

\--

As they sat side by side in the movie theatre, Touka realized that she didn't want to learn how to have physical touch with a male. She didn't care about other men, she wanted it to be him. Only him.

So, as subtly as she could, she slowly shifted closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder during the movie. Kaneki noticed and turned his head to look at her, which resulted in them gazing into each other's eyes, in close proximity in a dark room.

To her dismay, he turned his attention back to the movie. Her hand moved to rest on his chest, over his beating heart.

"Touka, don't. We're not at that stage yet."

"..what if I'm ready to enter that stage?" She murmured.

She had no idea where she got the courage to act so boldly in front of him but she did and hoped that he would get the hint.

"We promised that we would take it slowly, didn't we? Besides, we're in public." He whispered.

"Okay.." she replied in disappointment.

They ended up going on another few dates after that, slowly exploring more of the physical touch aspect of their treatment.

As the touch increased to hugging, so did Kaneki's struggles with his feelings. He had wanted to keep it professional but he can't help but wish that this was all real—that they were truly a couple. It seemed that with each passing date, the more his barrier in dating her weakened. And he knew it was because he hadn't dated in a long time and Touka was a one of a kind woman.

Having been with her for the past 5 months, he has since seen many parts of her. How she'd start talking a lot once she was familiar with him, sometimes talking very excitedly about certain things, how her eyes would shine at the sight of anything rabbit-like, how she dislikes tomatoes just because they're red, how her cheeks turn pink whenever she was embarrassed and every one of this traits made him want her for himself.

While his duty as a doctor had been to cure her androphobia, he didn't want her to interact with other men but him. He was jealous of the men who would come into contact with her in the future. Jealousy was one factor present in love, he realized and shook off his thoughts.

Their date today was the summer festival. Donning their yukatas, Kaneki and Touka headed to the main area—the food and game stalls—and had a lot of fun. They were seated on a picnic mat when the fireworks show started. As the fireworks went high up in the sky, the noises by the crowd and the heat of the summer air didn't matter.

What mattered was how they were mere inches apart from one another, looking at a beautiful sight in front of them and it felt as if they were the only two people in the world, with all the sounds but the fireworks, drowned out.

"It's beautiful..." Touka murmured, eyes focusing on the fireworks, mesmerized by it.

"It is..."

While his words may have been meant for the fireworks, they were actually directed at her, as his eyes never once left her face as he said the words.

Once the fireworks were over, everyone started heading home, hence the huge crowds with people squeezing with one another trying to leave the area.

Kaneki turned back to Touka who was just behind him and took her hand with a smile. "It's so we don't get separated."

She nodded, one of her hands going to touch her hair. Her heart dropped when she couldn't find the rabbit hairpin that he gave her. It's gone.

"I have to go back! I lost something!"

She let go of his hand and returned the way they came, leaving him alone to be carried away further from her by the crowd. Running back to the grassy area where they sat to watch the fireworks, she got on her knees and started to feel around the grass for her hairpin.

She didn't care that her yukata got dirty, she had to find the hairpin. It was a gift from him and it was important to her.

At the corner of her eye, she spotted something shiny and went over, to find her hairpin.

"Here it is!" She exclaimed, picking it up happily and dusting the grass away that was on it. Securing it tightly in her hair, she smiled and was about to return to him when she was approached by 2 middle-aged men.

"Hey pretty girllllll, what are you doing all alone out hereeeee? Where's your friends???"

"Wanna come with us to have some funnnn?"

From the red blush on their cheeks and their slurred words, she could gather that they were drunk and walked to the side to avoid getting involved with them.

One male grabbed her by the arm and pulled her flush up against his body. The male's breath stunk of alcohol and she bleched at the smell, adding on to her initial disgust of being against a sweaty, drunken man.

When the man's hands started creeping up her thighs, and the other guy yanked her yukata to reveal her shoulders and cleavage, Touka's eyes brimmed with tears. She recalled that day as a young child, where the exact same thing happened.

She knew she should do something to save herself but her body just froze at the spot. She cursed herself for being weak and questioned herself the reason why she even learned judo and aikido for self-protection if she can't even use it when she needed it now. Her heart thumped in her ears and she couldn't move her limbs. 

At that moment of crisis, her knight in shining armor came—Kaneki.

From her disheveled clothes and tears running down her cheeks, it doesn't take a genius to realize what was going on here. Anger boiled within Kaneki and he clenched his hands into fists. He charged at them and punched the 1st male who had his arms around Touka.

The man stumbled and fell to the floor, roaring in pain and held his cheek which was starting to turn swollen. The other male ran towards Kaneki and she shouted his name to alert him. He took down the other male with a punch to the face and the stomach, leaving both males rolling in the floor in pain.

Police soon came and after giving the details to the policemen, the males were handed over and Kaneki held the trembling Touka in his arms. "I'll take you home," he said, and he didn't allow any room for discussion.

Throughout the whole car ride, he refused to look at her and she could tell that he was angry from the fury in his eyes. But she was too scared to say anything and so the entire car ride was just silent.

Only after depositing her in her room, that Kaneki decided to release all of his anger and shout at her.

"What were you thinking?! If I hadn't made it in time, you could have been raped by those men! What was the thing you lost that was so important you had to go back to get it?!" He roared.

This was her first time seeing the gentle-natured him angry and yelling at her that it scared her and she backed away.

"I-I'm sorry... I just—wanted to find it myself and I didn't want to bother you for it...

Kaneki sighed angrily and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "You know you would never bother me. I said from the start that I will be with you."

"I know, I just—" tears welled up in her eyes again. "I lost the rabbit hair clip you gave me and I wanted to get it back. It's precious to me..."

Her hand rested on the small hair clip that was pinned on her bangs. Stunned silent that she actually risked herself to get the hair clip back, Kaneki let out another sigh in resignation and cupped her cheeks. "I get that it is important to you, but ask for my help next time, you know I'll never refuse you. Promise me, Touka."

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven." He smiled before a worried expression came on. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you? Do you need me to do anything for you?"

Her lips trembled. "I was so scared... it reminded me of that day when the same thing happened to me when I was young."

"..do you want to tell me about it? You don't have to force yourself."

She shook her head. "I will. It's about time I did."

"I was only 13 years old then. I was with my dad and little brother at a shopping street when we got separated. I wandered along the alleyway where nobody was around and I had hoped to find my family, if not the way home. And then, 2 men came along."

Releasing a shaky breath, Kaneki's hands ran up and down her arm to soothe her and gave her the courage to continue on.

"When I asked them for help, they laughed and asked me to give them something in return for their help. Being a young girl at the time with no money, I brought out some sweets from my pockets and offered it to them. But their idea of a reward was different from mine. They cornered me to the wall, and one man held my arms and legs while the other tore the clothes from my body."

Anger rose within Kaneki at the men that did that to her and he forced it down, not wanting to interrupt her story.

"They touched me. They felt up my legs, my arms, everywhere and I was crying but I couldn't run because they were holding me and—by the time I was found, it was too late—" she sobbed and he hugged her tightly. Without her continuing, he already knew the rest of the story. She was raped.

"What happened to those men?"

"..They went to jail."

"They deserve more than jail for taking advantage of a young girl like you. They deserve death."

Touka withdrew and smiled weakly. "You're so nice, Kaneki."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there to help you. If only I knew you back then..."

"It's not your fault, or anyone's. I just happened to be there at the wrong timing. That's all."

Gazing into her blue eyes, Kaneki was overcome with sorrow for the young innocent girl she was who had to suffer this kind of thing. He wanted nothing more but to do anything to comfort her and hold her in his arms until she was alright. Cupping her cheek, he ran his thumb across her pink lips and leaned down to kiss her.

Her eyes widened and before she could react, he pulled away and caressed her cheeks. "Do you trust me, Touka?"

"I do."

Aside from her best friend Yoriko, he was the only other person she trusted the most. It seemed that her answer made him happy as he smiled.

"Then...let's take the next step in our relationship. Give me a chance to hold you, let me make you forget what happened with those men today and when you were young."

She could see the truth in his words from his eyes and couldn't refuse.

"Okay."

Then, he kissed her again.

—

As they basked in the afterglow of their making love, Kaneki held her tightly in his arms and inhaled her scent before kissing her head. He knew he had to leave now and yet, he didn't stop her when she leaned up to kiss him. Instead, he returned the kiss, hands splayed across the soft skin of her back to pull her closer.

The expression that she gazed at him with and a contented smile told him everything. She loved him. It was a sad thing, for he couldn't love her back.

He cupped her cheek, pushing her violet strands to the back of her ear and remained silent, taking the time to craft his next words.

"As of today, your treatment is complete. As a doctor, I'm really happy for you that you have overcome your fear of men. We won't be meeting every week anymore but I will give you an open appointment, should your phobia relapses. You will be able to go on with life normally and it is my greatest pride as a doctor to see you functioning healthily as a member of society."

At that moment, he got up and started to get dressed. Holding the blanket to her chest, Touka watched as he put on the last of his clothing—his shirt—and chewed on her lower lip. "Will we see each other again?"

After getting dressed, he made sure for his back to face her so that his face wouldn't give away any of his feelings. He could not. Previously, he was only half in love with her. But now, after they've done it, he's fallen completely in love with her and it was too late. "Unless your condition relapses, we will not. As a doctor, I hope it won't come to that."

"..but if I want to see you again?" She asked, hoping that he would at least allow it.

Kaneki's hands turned into fists and he struggled with the answer. The thought of never seeing her again made his heartache, because even if he tried to control it, he had feelings for her and he wanted to see her every day. Alas, he couldn't, because he would just be stringing her along, knowing her romantic feelings for him, when he couldn't love her the way he should.

"No."

Her heart dropped at his answer. "Why?"

"There's no reason for us to meet one another. As of today, our couple status is broken and we agreed to become a couple in the first place to treat your phobia."

"But..what about all the time we shared together? The dates, the laughter, the hugs? Are you telling me that it was all for my treatment, and they didn't mean anything to you? We had fun, and I thought...that we were getting closer.." She looked down, tears brimming in her eyes as she recalled the dates they had, the times where he held her hand and smiled at her. The way he had kissed her so lovingly and passionately during their making love... everything made her believe that they were in love.

Seeing her cry, he almost wanted to go to her and hug her and tell her he was sorry. But he hardened, it was for her own good. Even if he ended up hurting her, it would be much better than her realizing late in their relationship that he couldn't love her 100%, because part of his heart would always belong to Fumika.

He forced his tone to be cold. "It was only for your treatment. I felt nothing. I don't love you, and I never will. Your feelings are only temporary and it will fade if we were to part."

"W-we can try again to be in a real relationship and not for my phobia! We can be a real couple and I'm sure that with time, our feelings towards one another will be the same—"

He turned towards her and shook his head with a frown. "That wouldn't work. Goodbye, Touka."

As he stepped out of her house and her life that day, he couldn't help but feel regret over his actions and that she didn't come after him.

—

Two weeks after that incident...

Hugging her knees to her chest, Touka had a movie marathon consisting of sappy romantic movies and binge ate ice cream and waffles alone. There were no messages nor calls from Kaneki and it felt as if they were never a thing at all.

Tears welled up in her eyes once again as she recalled the way Kaneki had rejected her and left her life as quickly as the way he entered her heart. Her first love and it ended with heartbreak.

Ah, so this was the heartbreak that Yoriko was talking about... She felt like crying all the time and often didn't want to go to work. Her heart ached wherever she went and would remember Kaneki in everything she did.

Deciding that she needed to stop moping, she got up and looked around her messy room. It's time for a spring cleaning. The first thing she did was look under her bed, she always liked to shove her things under there to avoid putting them back to its places.

It was a mess down there, as expected, but she spotted a notebook mixed in there. Puzzled since she's never had a blue notebook, she picked it up and opened it.

—

Closing his eyes, Kaneki rested his head on his desk and allowed himself a short 15 minutes nap. Ever since he broke up with Touka, he missed her so damned much that he hasn't been able to sleep well at night.

With his exhausted self, he soon entered his nap. He woke up in his own bed, turning to the side to find Touka sleeping beside him. The silver band on her left fourth finger shined in the morning light.

The scene cut to the living room, where he found himself fully dressed and Touka stood with her back towards him in the kitchen. She was cooking. Then, she walked towards him with a plate of food in her hand and a smile on her lips.

The scene cut again, to the park where he observed Touka and a young girl with black and white hair playing with each other. They spotted him and the young girl ran towards him, with the words that shocked him.

"Papa!"

With that, his body jerked and he ended up falling off his chair and to the floor.

Touching his eyes, they came away wet and he squeezed them shut. Even in sleep, he thought about her. He saw a future with her. They were married and they had a child.

Even if it couldn't happen in real life, he was happy to have seen that. At least in his dreams, they were happy together.

Groggily, he got up and went to shower. He hasn't slept well for the past week and needed to wash the fatigue away before he started hallucinating of Touka.

—

Rubbing his eyes, Kaneki thought he was hallucinating when he found his ex-girlfriend in his own bedroom. Hallucination or not, she looked livid.

Touka stepped toward him threateningly and raised a book in her hand. “I found this in my room.”

That book..! No wonder he couldn’t find it anywhere! She must have read it already if she was this angry.

He seemed shocked and she continued by flipping through the pages. “And at one glance, it looks to be a report of my progress in curing androphobia but at the back of the book, you were writing about your feelings for me. You said ‘I love Touka.’ That night, why did you say you didn’t have feelings for me but you actually do?” Tears threatened to escape her eyes.

“Touka, I—it’s complicated..”

Lowering the book onto his bed, Touka moved to cup his cheeks and gazed into his sorrowful eyes. “I told you, the least I could do is listen to your worries. Am I that unreliable to you?”

His eyes turned glassy. “I’m scared. I saw how Fumika succumbed to her depression and left me. She was originally my patient and we started dating soon after. I thought she was getting better, she even looked better, but...she suddenly jumped to her death one day. I was afraid that if I ever dated another patient again, I would experience the same painful feeling of losing that person. Even now, 3 years later, I haven’t been able to date someone and am still suffering as the person who’s left behind. I’m the best doctor in the department and yet what’s the use if I can’t even save one patient?”

Touka remained silent to consider her words. “I’m not pretty. I’m not patient. I’m not everything Fumika was. But I can tell you that I love you, and my love for you won’t lose to hers. I’ll be with you no matter what happens, and I promise I’ll tell you everything. I won’t hold all my worries to myself, I won’t be like her.”

He shook his head. “Even since she died, I became a broken man. I won’t allow you to be stuck with someone like me. You deserve someone else, someone better than me. Someone who can give you the happiness you deserve and that person is not me.”

“The point of having a lover is for them to stand by their sides no matter what, isn’t it? If I have a problem, you would stand by me, wouldn’t you? Then what’s wrong if I do the same for you?”

“I—“ Kaneki smiled weakly. “When you put it that way, you make it hard for me to reject you.”

She grinned. “Then don’t reject me. Say yes.”

He hesitated. “Apart from being broken and scared, my other reason for not dating you is because part of my heart still belongs to Fumika. Are you really okay with that?”

“Yeah. I’ll allow her to have that part of your heart and secretly hope that the remaining of whatever’s left will go to me. If it doesn’t, I’ll make you love me.” She grinned, throwing her arms around his neck.

He laughed for real for the first time in ages and leaned his forehead against hers, gazing into her eyes. “You don’t have to do that. That part of my heart already belongs to you. I had thought loving another was impossible ever since Fumika’s death, but then you came along and changed everything. Within a few months, I fell in love with you, despite your rudeness, brashness—“ he winced as he earned a jab in his ribs and a scowl from her. “I love you, Touka. I really do. Will you be my girlfriend? For real, this time.”

“You know my answer.”

He grinned. “Then will you give me a chance to show you how much I love you?”

Touka cocked her head to the side, puzzled. She shrieked in surprise when he suddenly bent down to carry her in his arms before dropping her onto his bed. His lips molded with hers and the tears that she shed were tears of happiness.

In the aftermath of their making love, she laid on his chest with his arm around her waist, listening as his heartbeat returned to the normal stable one and closed her eyes in contentment.

“You know, in my dreams, I saw you,” Kaneki spoke.

“Hm?? What did you see about me?” She asked, eyes still closed.

“You were in my bed, sleeping. We were married, from the silver ring on your finger. Then suddenly you were cooking, then we were at the park with our child.”

“Child?” She opened her eyes to look at him, echoing after him.

He nodded. “It’d be nice if it were real.”

True to his words, they married a year later and had a child with a mix of black and white hair named Ichika. It took a while but Kaneki decided that letting Touka into his heart was the best thing he ever did. They then lived happily ever after.


End file.
